I avoided her while she was sick. While my intension were good, my fear was stronger. I came up with a million reasons not to visit Mahna. When I bent over her coffin to say good by to her emaciated once beautiful face, my illogical excuses were more feeble than she had ever been during her fight.
I see her face way too often now. All last summer, it was Mahna's eyes that would thank me from under the concealing hat the Jakes mom, Brenda wore during her treatments on the days I would bring over dinner.
It is Mahna's smile that tells me everything is ok when Eli's mom shows me her new boyish figure, thanks to the recent surgery.
I have seen Mahna on my mom, my aunt, and my sister.
I never what to see that likeness again.
Monday, October 24, 2005
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2 comments:
More than half the people that I knew are dead, all my close friends form the 70’s and early 80’s and still there are moments when I’ll look up and see someone that looks exactly like they did walking by and think that that’s them only to remember that they’re dead and its not them. At first it really bothered me as I sort of expected them to say hello, only now I just think of them and the good times we had and don’t dwell on the “what I shoulda done” theories that flow through my head like a conspiracy that I wasn’t asked to join only witness as a voyeur.
The only resemblence these women share is cancer. I'm one big assed coward when it comes to that.
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